I know I haven't posted in a while, but kinda been busy... So here's some more RyoBaru Angst!
Bad love song/ What went wrong?
“Do you remember the place where we first met? Do you remember that first moment when we looked at each- other and we both smiled like idiots? Do you remember the first time we sang together? Do you remember our first fight? Our first silence?
I can still remember all those moments so vividly that it makes my heart ache. I remember that small room where we were introduced. Your first smile is still making my heart race. The first note we sang together seemed to me so perfect that it made me burst with desire… Desire to sing, desire to have you close to me, to be one, to be perfect together.
It hurt, you know… It hurt when I made you suffer like that, it hurt when you failed to see through me and threw all those words at me. I just wanted to make you suffer, suffer just as much as I was suffering. It’s stupid how I could never tell you those few words that could have spared us all this pain. How I was unable to stop you from killing me with every word, every look, every action... I am sorry… I love you!”
Those were the only words that he wanted to tell him, but he never could. The short letter was still wrapped and hidden in his drawer and he was more than sure it would never see the day of light. He could never let anyone know how he felt. Because it just hurt too much. Thy had been friends ever since they had met. But he always knew that he wanted more. More than the rebel boy with dark, long hair could have offered him as a friend. He had realized he loved him ever since they had sang together the first time. But he couldn’t ask so much of him. Subaru had always seen him as a friend only and a band mate. Not more.
And that kiss… That kiss was the last straw. That “fanservice” kiss had shown him that he just couldn’t go on like that anymore. So he did the only thing he knew how to do: he tried to push him away. He tried to hurt him with every occasion, he started going out with any person who offered, he started acting mean every time Subaru was around. And Subaru responded the same way, by hurting him with every word he said to him. They hated each-other. They truly did, or that’s what Ryo tried to think. Hoped.
“Why in the name of God is that song not good? I chose the song myself, I like it and I want us to sing it as a group!”
“I just don’t like it! It sounds fake! I don’t want to sing a love song! Not something like that!”
“Why would love sound fake to you, Ryo? You seem to be spreading sooo much love around every night, but you can’t sing about it with your friends? Tell me, Ryo, why don’t you like it?”
“I am not going to argue with you, Subaru! Not now! I don’t even understand why we have to sing together! Why can’t we just have the solos? Why in groups?”
“Ryo, it has already been decided that we are going to do this, it’s way easier to have 3 videos instead of 7!”
“You shut up, Shouta, no one asked you! Besides, I never agreed to this jan-ken-pon system! I just want to be able to choose my partner and the song! “
“Ryo, I suggest you take five and cool down a bit. You did not object when we were choosing the groups, I don’t see why you’d do it now. You’re just being a jerk right now. How ‘bout you just take the day off to think about this?”
“Great! I believe I will do that! See you tomorrow!”
He takes his jacket and slams the door as he leaves the room in a rush, being unable to stand the situation anymore. Of all people, he has to sing with HIM. And a love song, to make it worse. He needs to cool off, so he heads to the nearest bar to have a drink and hopefully stop thinking about this whole mess for a while.
“Jeesh, what’s his problem now?”
“Don’t mind him Shouta, he’s just being his usual self.”
“Yes, but this situation can’t keep going on forever. He has to come to term with his issues, or he’ll drag us all down.”
“He will. Even if I have to beat his senses back into him. I’m off, guys. See ya tomorrow!”
“Subaru, be careful. He’s a walking bomb. If you tick him off, it will be messy.”
“I know, Yoko, but this is all I can put up with too. Bye!”
“I hope they’ll be ok…”
“Don’t worry Ohkura, they’re big boys.”...
Subaru walks in the bar and sees him there, drinking and flirting with a girl. He doesn’t recognize her, but yet again, most probably not even Ryo knows her. She’s just one of his drunk- flings. He knew that they were just flings and one night stands, but it still hurt him to see Ryo like that. And it hurt, because he wanted to help him, but didn’t know how to.
“Ryo, we need to talk.”
“No, I need to talk to this pretty lady here. YOU need to leave.”
“I’m not leaving until I talk to you. The pretty lady here can go powder her nose for a few minutes.”
The girl looks at him annoyed, but finally decides she doesn’t want to argue, so she goes to the bathroom.
“Great, now I will spend 5 minutes less with her, because you feel like sharing. Just great.”
“Stop mocking me, Ryo. I never did anything to upset you, I never did anything to deserve all your stingy words, and yet you keep arguing with me over everything. What is your problem?”
“My problem? Nothing. I just don’t like your attitude. That’s it. I don’t like you.”
“We used to be friends…”
“Oh, no! You used to be friends. I just used to be friendly. But I just figured I don’t really have to do that, either. We’re just singing together, that’s it.”
Subaru’s fist darts with an amazing speed towards Ryo’s face, because, yes, now he wants to hit the hell out of him. But he stops. Even though the person in front of him is not the man he fell in love with, he still cares about him. He can’t hurt him.
“So that’s how you decided it will be? We’ll be just singing on the same stage?”
“Yes. This is how I see it. Now get the hell out of here before I lose my date for tonight.”
“Fine. I hope you have a great night together.”
Great night, huh… Most likely yet another one of those short, meaningless and indifferent rounds of sex ending up with him throwing her out of his apartment and spending the rest of the night in his room, staring blankly at pretty much nothing.
And that’s pretty much exactly how it goes down: they end up at his place, she tries, he ends up saying his name yet again, she gets annoyed, he invites her to leave his apartment and ends up drinking some more. As if he’s not drunk enough even as it is. But he has to keep drinking, to keep forgetting. Because maybe this way, soon enough, he will stop loving…